"I was eight years old then. My grandfather, Glashev Gergok, and grandmother, Orkuyat, nee Edekaeva, had five adult sons alive at that time: Uzeir (two sons and two daughters), Khyzyr (two sons), Akhmat (dad, five children), Abusalam (son), Ramazan (daughter). Only Ramazan was called to the front. He used to live with the grandmother (grandfather was gone by that time), and after he left for the army, I spent nights with her."
Tutorial #5
- The frame with the soldier's silhouette is not working as it's stylistically out of the rest content of the spread. Maybe, add kids in the background or white light to the soldier itself.
- Use social media to keep on regular posting and drawing.
- Think of the title!
- I decided not to rush to correct the figure of a soldier because I planned to use this technique in the future. If at the end of the finishing line of all spreads, it turns out that this fragment still stands out from the general style, then I will redo it.
- I would be happy to use social networks in order to promote my work, but in the current situation with social networks in the Russian Federation, this is quite challenging. Temporarily I do not use any platforms to publish my illustrations and devote myself entirely to work on the diploma.
- Possible title of the book (series): Sautu: Ghosts of the Red Flame.
"We lived in a new longhouse. The old one was away, and cattle were kept there.
On that day, our relatives were at a funeral in Cosparty; by the evening, they returned home. Only Uzeir's wife remained in Upper Cheget with her brother, Endreev Zhagafar."
"Grandma was restless. She decided to ask her sons to take refuge in the old house because it was safer there. But...
"You shouldn't have gone out - they would have had enough of us," said the father.
Soldiers took them [sons and grandmother] to our room."
From left to right: dad, grandmother, Uzeir, Khyzyr.
Tutorial #6
- Spread no. 3: the soldier's hand is too small.
- Spread no. 4: faces are too calm. The fewer details, the more dangerous is the atmosphere. Add big shadows to make the image more horrifying.
- Collect all the drafts and analyse the percentage of black in the project as a whole. How much black is needed? What effect does it give? What is the logic of building relationships between light and darkness? Night = less details.
- The question of the final part of the story (about the girl and the frozen twins): it can be shown as an afterword (OVA). Put it after the "titles" or fence it off as a separate independent chapter. Add a girl somewhere in the background of the main story, and draw her a catchy outfit to form a relationship between the parts of the book.
- Reference: Natali Fortier - Sur la pointe des pieds.
- Choosing which spreads will be black and which will be white, I was guided by the time frame in the story. The black colour corresponds to the nighttime of the day when the main events of the genocide took place.
- I liked the idea with an afterword, and I needed to think about how to make it better.
I corrected mistakes in the third and fourth spreads.
[continued drawing]
I had some doubts about the new spreads. Even though I did not want to make them too dramatic, I had the feeling that this is exactly how they turned out.
[soldiers] "Put them on a bench... and started shooting."
"Five bullets hit the grandmother in the chest, but she died later than her sons. She still managed to hug all of them and passed away next to the oldest one.
Uzeir, who had children left in the room, tried to crawl to them"
Tutorial #7
- Spread no. 4: too dramatic (too theatrical) due to the flat background and grotesque shadows. Ask different people how do they react to these images.
- Reference: Gillo Pontecorvo - The Battle of Algiers (1966).
- Spread no. 5: too many straight angles and picturesque close-ups. When something is overdramatised, it does not feel real.
Maybe, the piece of sugar does not need to be shown twice on this particular spread.
- Spread no. 7: the same problem with overdramatic images. What if, instead of dead bodies, there would be made an emphasis on the home? That it happens in the place where you should feel safe. Show that these people had lives. "Glitch" effect.
- Although it is tough to be detached when talking about genocide (especially since the creation of the project coincided with the events in Ukraine), it is essential to be able to coldly analyze how to show the story to the reader more effectively. Follow how the media covered the massacre in Bucha and what successful moves journalists used in terms of storytelling. What makes those events feel real?
- I agreed with the comments about going overboard with the drama. It was a crucial issue, so it needed to be resolved before continuing to draw new spreads (even if it slowed down progress).
- Regarding showing the work to other people, after completing all the finishing spreads, I planned to show the project to someone from the Balkars so that they point out to me the mistakes if there are any.
- It seemed to be an engaging idea to analyze the modern moves that the media use.
I tried to correct the problems with the drama of some spreads. I added the wall texture in the fourth (=twelfth) spread. In the fifth spread, I diversified the reviews and shots. In the seventh one, I tried to imitate the glitch effect and use a metaphor in the form of a dead bird (an alpine jackdaw that lives in that area). I also designed the flyleaf and intro page.
"The soldiers put all four on a bench... and started shooting. And then the muzzle turned in my direction."
"Five bullets hit the grandmother in the chest, but she died later than her sons. She still managed to hug all of them and passed away next to the oldest one.
Uzeir, who had children left in the room, tried to crawl to them but could not cross the threshold of the room."
 |  |
Intro page. "Mokayeva (Glasheva) Zoya Akhmatovna."
Endpaper.
Tutorial #8
- Spread number 7: any metaphor can fail. Is it worth it in a documentary to try to make things cuter than they are?
- In black spreads, reduce the level of detailing, leave more space for emptiness because a large number of fragments reduces tension.
Take the birds to a separate spread. Covering people with themselves, they "erase" them for the viewer, too softening the episode that needs to be shown.
- Introduction: it is worth introducing the character through the silhouette. The dove on the opening page gives the impression that the protagonist is dead. Is this the effect I want to achieve?
- Pigeon is an overused metaphor; try to find something less clichéd.
- Work out the poses of the characters.
- References: @polosunya, @collection_illustrations, Matsuda Matsuo.
- I agreed with the comments about the detail, but I wasn't sure how I could strike the right balance between the literal depiction of events and the metaphorical.
- I didn't want to leave the intro page as is, so I needed time to make a good intro.
“After the sentry left, I ran to my mother’s room. She didn’t know anything about the executions and was sitting, waiting for her husband. And she told me…”
"Our rooms were on one side of the long house, and as it turned out, at first, they came to us. Among them, mum recognized Osmanov Alibi, whose wife, nee Toguzaeva, was her relative. Second, they took Khyzyr, leaving his wife and small children. The third was Uzeyir. And then they came to the threshold of the room where Abusalam was and wanted to enter. But dad said that his brother was in the army. They believed and did not insist, and just at that moment, the grandmother came out..."
FINAL CRIT
- Black spreads. Too radical. It is better not to use a line, replace it with object fills.
- Add introduction. For example, a map of the area.
- Cosparty. It is better to change the spelling to avoid unwanted associations. For instance, Kosparte.
- Too many images of people. Better add atmosphere, show the area.
- The work is too theatrical and literal.
- In the presentation, the subtitles for the work were too small, which interfered with the perception of the work.
- I agreed with the comments about the white line on the black spreads. Aesthetically, spot fills would really look better.
- I already mentioned before that I had plans to edit the introductory part. However, unfortunately, I did not have time to edit it before the presentation.
- I had questions about the comments about the excessive literalness of the work. The opinions of the tutors on this matter differed, and it was difficult for me to find a middle ground. I decided to proceed from my ideas about what the Balkar audience might like and also from an understanding of what exactly I want to tell in this comic.
- I planned to show the area of the tragedy, but towards the end of the work. Initially, I wanted to use sketches of the terrain for the endpaper, but I didn’t succeed, so instead of the landscape, there is a pattern.
- A fully English-language version of the comic will be created for the assessment, as stated in the project proposal. The reason why I started with the Russian language is that the original story was written in it, and it was easier for me to edit the text.
When the block was ready, I designed the cover and developed the introduction. Initially, I wanted to draw a small comic that would tell the story of how my interest in this topic was born. However, I no longer had time for this, so I had to make a certain compromise.
Intro spread.
